I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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