Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
