Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
