so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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