its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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