I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
