My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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