my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
