just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
