Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
