this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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