your parents love me but you hate me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
