we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
