Can Purell be used as lube?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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