He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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