I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
where are my eyebrows?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
