ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
