After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
