Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
