Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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