this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
