Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
