i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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