Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
