I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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