How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
