I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
