he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
