I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
