how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
