There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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