no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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