All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
should my penis look like a turkey
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
