So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
