he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
