I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
