i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
