All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
