beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
