Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
