i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
