So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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