No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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