I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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