I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
