I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
