is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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