And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
