I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
