I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
