doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
