this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
