if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
