I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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