When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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